Please Feed the Elephants

Have you heard the expression “The Elephant in the Room”? According to Wikipedia (it’s on the internet, so you know it’s true), the phrase is defined as this: “Elephant in the room” or “Elephant in the living room” is an English metaphorical idiom for an obvious truth that is either being ignored or going unaddressed. The idiomatic expression also applies to an obvious problem or risk no one wants to discuss. You are likely more familiar with the elephant than the term metaphorical idiom, but I digress.

Growing up there was a clear aversion to dealing with any difficult situations directly. I learned to divert, distract, deny and to avoid conflict at all costs. At any given time there was a veritable 3-ring circus elephant experience going on in my life. Nobody was encouraged to acknowledge or discuss this. There were rare exceptions to this unspoken rule, usually with lingering consequences and strained relationships and a good reminder of why you kept your mouth shut.

Fast forward 49 years and I make my living helping people to acknowledge the elephant in the room. Ironic, isn’t it?

There are three specific elephants I would like to help you acknowledge and release right now.

The Elephant sitting on your chest. What’s that thing you need to say, to write, to express that is keeping you distant, confused, frustrated or angry? Who needs to hear it? What’s the thing you KNOW you need to do, to change that you haven’t shared with anyone else. The THING that’s keeping you up at night or holding you back? Often times just getting it out on paper and acknowledging your thoughts and feelings about the issue is enough to allow you to SEE the elephant and experience the relief of it moving off of you and on its way elsewhere.

Challenge: Get clear about something you want to get off your chest. Get it out onto paper. Then decide what your next best steps are to move the issue into the “dealt with it, moving on” category. Take immediate ACTION.

The Elephant in your living room. End the conspiracy of silence and say what you need to say to the people who mean the most to you. As a military wife and mother of two adult children, there are any number of issues I could CHOOSE to keep my mouth shut about. And the truth is, sometimes I have. The good news is that I am learning a new way of dealing with the issues that arise in our family. I’m willing to SEE the elephants as they come in, sometimes uninvited, and take a moment to give them the attention they need. Time to speak up and have the conversations you need to have. My guess is that 80% of the time everyone involved will feel the relief of having the issues out in the open. Sometimes you need an expert to help. Make the investment and ask for help with situations that are well outside your capacity or with issues that involve life-or-death matters.

Challenge: Is there an unspoken issue making a big dent on your sectional? Time to call a family meeting and make a promise to end the conspiracy of silence and tell each other the truth, give each other permission to not just see the elephants, but feed and care for them.

The elephant in your conference room. How many of you can think of a time in the last month when you’ve seen an elephant in a board meeting, a team meeting or volunteer meeting of some kind? How many of you actually enrolled another person, probably the one sitting next to you or across from you by making eye contact and silently transmitting the thought “Do you SEE this thing!?!” As an outside facilitator and trainer, I am constantly aware of these 2 ton beasts of burden that roam so freely among us in our work and volunteer lives. It’s my honor to be the one who can ask the thoughtful questions that allow people to speak freely, respond differently and move to solution and a shared vision for the way forward. It’s my honor to educate and train individuals to step into this leadership role for themselves and the organizations they lead. Creating a culture of curiosity takes practice and patience.

Challenge: Be brave. Raise your hand. Ask the thoughtful questions that will allow everyone in the room to acknowledge the issues and move forward. Here’s what’s likely to happen when you do. There will be a collective relief in the room or an increased tension, and some combination of the two. This is where solutions, problem solving, conversation and new ways of doing things exist – in the delicate and sometimes tense space between what was and what will be.

Are you ignoring the elephants that are in your midst? Are they running amok in your life and business? Acknowledge which of the elephants are most dangerous or the one obstructing your next step and challenge yourself to take immediate action and release your elephants to the wild. Need help? Let’s talk! Fill out the contact form and schedule a call. I’d love to give you some tools for taming your elephants.

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About Whitney Bishop

Whitney Bishop is a Change Agent who creates transformative experiences for leaders who are committed to making a difference in their own lives and in the lives of others. She has designed a proven process to help leaders and their teams elevate their questions, create new possibilities and take deliberate action. Are you ready to discover the power of possibility and experience breakthroughs that will help you have greater impact and influence in the world? Let’s talk.